2 post in as many days....

I told myself I wouldn't post, then again I told myself I wouldn't do a lot of the things I have done in my life. Go figure, I might not be good enough for you. Listening to some good hip hop currently playing day-dreaming by Lupe Fiasco. Man is that not a perfect description of what we all do, day dream. We live in these fantasy worlds and run from reality for as long as we can, or was that just me. I have this terrible habit of assuming you the reader follows the same doomed path I do. Merchant of Venice, I promise this is the last reference I make to that literary master piece, Yes I know english majors technically its a play and shouldn't be referenced as literature, bite me. "I hold the world but as the world, (insert other member of conversation here); A stage where every man must play a role, and mine a sad one" I have repeated that line several times in the last few days. Am I secretly wanting it to be true or is it true. IS this the matrix or is the matrix the matrix, etc... I hate when directors do that it feels so cheap, I even hate when authors do that, like Dr Jekel and Mr Hyde, Frankenstein, Flight club (yes it was a novel first) all a terrible idea, we get it living is paradoxical don't poke front of us with it. Now that the banter is done we can get to the entree, what I wanted to say is I am upset, frustrated, lonely, and tired. that is all......

wouldn't you have felt unfulfilled if i left it at that, kinda sorta like a sexual encounter with me, (I make front of myself in hopes that any ladies out there might just wanna find out for themselves, ) is it just me or is life passing by way to fast, when you have tons of free time it goes way to fast. Parenting needs to improve, without a doubt. Parents need to enroll their children in latin school, and teach them the violin, the piano, the cello, stop settling for mediocrity and sitting them in-front of a television with Spungebob.

for the record that was a rant, and a darn good one.

2 years later.

I have come to value things, the current woman in my life, I have to tip my hat to you. Thank you, you have given me something to look forward too. Bender, Is what I have been on 3 days straight of drinking, smoking (cigarette's), sitting around talking about past lovers, assing out on my friends couch surrounded by people all hiding from life, all in our early twenties trying to figure this stage of our life out. to many drugs, to many insecurities. You have been my shining light, my north star guiding me, saving me from myself. I am two years older since my heart shattered, and my world was turned upside down. sitting here on the couch holding a woman who has been abused her whole life, and I just wish I could have been there every time to be her guiding light. not wanting to be just another nigga that wants to fuck. I know it sounds like a rant but I'm saying alot and I wont accept that. I'm saying I care for humanity, I've been hurt, I've recovered and grown and have become a better man. Maturity comes with a price, you loose your innocence, you loose your imagination. Values, Morality, Honesty, Trustworthyness(this is not a real word), Security, Culture, Wit, and an occasional crazy week. That's what I bring to the table.