When did we become masochist? When did the subtle switching in our history occur, that we stopped believing in the betterment of ourselves and decided hurting ourselves would be more productive? maybe if we pinpointed it we can alter it presently. I am at an all time low, I havent had a haircut in maybe 2 months. I look up into the mirror while writing this an I am ashamed of the man I see in the mirror, and mostly other peoples opinion's make me feel this way. I'm so very tired of being lonely so I cling to the little human connection I do have for a small reprieve from my anguish, but these connections hurt, hinder, abuse, and suffocate (and a few more negative adjectives) the type of man I want to be. My current relationships are like everything in life; cyclical, a cycle of hurt and questioning of oneself that only leads to being hurt and questioning one's self.
I make mistakes constantly and I'm sorry, but stop being so quick to judge and ask WHY. I think why is the most simple but overly complex question in the history of humanity. Why do we do what we do. I can honestly tell you why I do what I do. Shame, I am ashamed of what I dont have, I have been sold this idea of what I should look like, smell like, have and act. If I dont meet these standards then I am less then others, and ashamed of it. PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT being aware of your issues does not solve them. I want someone to love me for me, for my quirky randomness, for my love of America, and true love not false bravado, of freedom. of long intimate phone conversations arguing passionately about the use of "god" on money and in courts. Im constantly late and thats because I don't have good time management and my lady has to be strong on my deficiencies or it wont work out.
We dont put substance in anything anymore too afraid of being vulnerable and unaccepted, I ask why? what can be so bad? someone else not accepting us? We must first accept ourself's, must first love ourself's then other's opinions wont matter and we can stifle through the mundane and undeserving and find true companionship. I know its moronic the blind leading the seeing, I don't have anyone and havent had someone for quite sometime so how can I tell you the importance of distinguishing who you should be with is outrages. but lets look at the metaphor the blind, who's other senses are more accute notice things that maybe those with vision dont.
P.S Shout out to the Supreme Court with bi-partisanship recently upheld the constitutionality of the personal mandate for health insurance, big win for democracy and checks and balances.
