Just hurting right now, masking the pain with liquor, and preoccupying my time with frivolous activities. My family has hurt me, someone I grew up with and was very close with has completely changed stripes. It's crazy cause I expected it from everyone but you. I havent written in a while, a lot that I wanted to say but I'll keep it to myself, from just not remembering or not caring enough to write about it. This semester has been flying by and I have learned very little. I got this amazing opportunity that Im squandering away. I teach an 8th grade class for this non profit organization called generation citizen, and its crazy cause when people ask about it I make it seem like its something its not. I tell a white lie by saying it was obscenely hard to get the internship and they where very selective when the truth was they took anybody. I shouldn't have to make anyone think that im special cause I choice to do this. but I do, its weird this should be its own reward not the false admiration that people give due to my misleading them. This has its own merits and if people cant recognize that oh well. my need to impress people outweighs my conscious and it sucks. I blame my father, my whole life I just wanted him to be proud of me, and it has rubbed off on other people. I love that I have this as an outlet to say the things that I cant speak. Downloaded the drake albume and its everything I expected and more amazing. been to a few protest, #occupy everything. I wonder when I became so socially awkward or have I always been this way and Im just noticing it? it may not seem that I am to the outside spectator but I am. I never know what to say, I blame the internet it stunted my social growth with social networking and online communication. It didnt allow me to develop essential social skills. oh well hopefully I'll get better.
