Im just saying you could do better.

The women that I would try, Is happy with a good guy. but I been drinking so much Imma call her anyway and say fuck that nigga that you love so bad. I know you still think about the times we had. I know I do DRIZZZY!

Happy birthday to you.

(two birds, one stone)
It's your birthday and I wish I could wish you well, Wish I could buy you something. Alas the Universe has seen fit to put us on different paths hopefully it will also make this one better for you, getting old right, where did the time go? you have made it impossible for me to connect with other people. I dont blame you I blame me. I like to say sorry, you never can apologize to much. That's what my new job has taught me. Its become like second nature to me. I will put this out there in the same universe that took us apart and hope it shows it to you. Im also attaching a small birthday cake and some tulips.

adderall

Emotion will be the death of me. I cant do it anymore, It's so hard being young, I don't imagine any stage of life is easy but this one seems especially hard. *Correction being young with a conscious is difficult. I'm trying devilishly hard to balance a social life, family life, a productive future, expectations I have for myself and that my family have for me, build meaningful relationships, not to mention these outrages lonely nights. I need sex end of story its been way to long. and not just regular sex, meaningful sex. Where we can laugh with each other afterwords. I'm sick of the fronting. the delicate balance of being someones friend and not getting what I want. I find depravity a lacking companion. My sole adjudicator are novels they give me a moral guideline to living. drunk nights roaming new york are getting old. they are loosing their lackluster all that glitter isn't gold. you truly get what you pay for. It takes all the will power I have to not reach out. I have went on a spree of telling the truth and it hurts. hope is in of itself an evil thing. It allows you to sustain unbearable conditions for expectations of relief of compensation for past wrongs. You tell yourself It's okay, good karma will find you repay you for the countless tears your shoulder has been there for. It will reward you with a shoulder that will walk side by side with yours, and if you have an untimely demise karma your karma will transfer to another deserving soul. hey what else do I have, Accept that life inst grand, that no matter how hard you try, Pandora's box is just filled with to many evils?

Smoking, Duh Loosing.

I do. I need you, Your the nicotine of my life. Just like with quitting you relapse and you miss that feeling of inhaling that first pull. That satisfaction when you fulfill your bodies wants. You know that empty feeling when you haven't smoked for a few hours, and everything seems grey. Well you are the Cigarette for my heart. My heart needs you. Its sending my body all types of signals telling me its missing something, the balance is off. Everything is grey. A man knows with a certain clairvoyance beyond a reasonable doubt what his duty is. What he should do and why. Greater men then I, have attempted for millennia to decipher and decrypt Love. To identify why it drives us mad, to manipulate it, to use it for unjust causes. For just causes. Women have used it for safety, and it would seem, some nobler causes throughout history then us with excess testosterone. For us smokers when someone who has never smoked before ask's what is it like? Am I the only one that has immense difficulty describing the sense of urgency that leaves your body, the euphoric couple of seconds after the smoke hits your lungs. Well Love is kinda sorta like that, we think we know what it means not only does it change for each person its impossible to describe. To quote a Justice of the court, " I know it when I see it" seems prudent. I cant tell you what its like to be loved, but I can tell you what its like not to be.

12804 hours and still counting.