A ride through the Desert.

off to see a man about a horse.

Stepping Stones!.

when heading to see a friend I specifically took a notepad with me to write down my thoughts on the train so I can post them on the blog later. Of course its the most epic post ever written in the history of bloggodom and ofcourse I leave it at her house! and she cant find it. Should I have expected any less? I remember Tidbits and stibdit of what I wrote but I wont even put it to shame by attempting to recreate it. How is life going you ask? Great making progress on alot of scenes doing me and getting myself to the next level what more can you ask? I have come up with this terrific idea of a photo journal that I would like to per sue I will be keeping it a secret for the time being to many bitters out in the world. I would like to find someone to accompany me while I take all these pictures any takers? Nikon d40 has inspired this current photo journal well him and god, I have taken a interest in the catholic church. Why you ask? because my sister is about to have her baptism and I dare say me taking her to church every Sunday for at least 5 months had something to do with it. I was never a person to believe/ follow organize religion but you cant knock it till you tried it right so for the time being i will consider my self a catholic who knows what dreams may come so take it with a grain of salt.

I remembered the name of the post at least it was called stepping stones with some allocation to the fact that we all meet people in our life who help us become great sorta like our own personal "Bagger Vance" god knows I have had a few teachers and more students but isnt that what life is about impacting others and hopefully for the better? Look out for the photo journal coming soon to a blog near you :), I have come to the conclusion that time is on my side she (yeah ill give it motherly Attributes) she cares for me, she teaches me, she heals me, she listens, she never stops caring.

shout outs!

Ernesta, Carole, Ernesta, Wesley, daniel, bah, dopematic, monk, moffatt, freezie, joel, blaine, justin, mike, mike, mack, mo, aldee, qua, g00se, phil, alex, chris, panda, nick, annie, annerz, jess the best, joha, drizzit, harry, lizzette, paul, Franke,Rich, Billz, Celos, Rasheda Amanda!

couldn't be who I was without you!

( if i forgot you just hit me up they have edit buttons :) )

Perspective

I'm in a better place didn't take long but some good friends and good advice works miracles. Someone told me all you can do in life is work on yourself, women come and go and for my female companions men come and go. You need to use all of your resources to get to the next level and this sounds such bullshit but its not its real talk if something is meant to be it will be. The reason thats true is because if you decide to persue it then it's meant to be and if you choose not to then it's not. I reconnected with an old friend yesterday and it worked out for the better and im actually happy i felt all that pain because thats what strength is think about people who work out how do they get stronger by trauma destroying muscle tissue and rebuilding stronger so i was wrong i will be stronger and that pain will help me grow word to the young and naive its never that serious

damn

Words cant even express the pain but I'm going to give it a shot anyway. Imagine you had a puppy and you loved that puppy and without cause or due justification someone tied you up and ripped out that puppies nails and then proceeded to skin the puppy alive in front of you. Now take that pain the puppy and you are feeling multiply that by 10000 and maybe just maybe you can understand a percentage, granted a small percentage of what i am feeling right this very second. its like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and while still connected to my nervous system pins where stuck slowly into it. I Will survive I may not be stronger but I will be Wiser.

maybe im that mind.

It is 5:54 and Im feening to listen to some tupac, the deep stuff changes, until the end of time. Hopefully to give me some perspective on my situation. Have you ever wanted something so bad it hurts, and you know with every being of your soul its no good for you but just maybe just maybe you can have it? well im left at a crossroad and I know which way I should go but my heart keeps pulling me in the other direction.

lets move to a less deep place, movies. Oh how we love movies currently thinking about what to watch do I wanna go romantic comedy, cop flick spoof movie, real life story, comedy, tragedy, documentary so many to choose from so little time. I always choose comedy over action and tragedy only because life is full of tragedy. I watch a movie as a momentary reprieve an escape from it all and it wouldnt make much sense to jump off one ship and into another. lets see cop flick it is "Bad Lieutenant:Port of New Orleans, hopefully i wont be dissapointed and i can get away from the crossroads atleast for 2 hours.

Can I have fries with that.

Remember when is the lowest form of conversation (thanks Anthony for that one) and I'm inclined to agree. Lets not look to the past but to the future lets not forget the events that bought us here but lets work to shape the events yet to come to get us to where we want to be. On a brighter note it's a friday night and I slept All day meaning I'm ready to get into something dangerous tonight. Sorry sis for not making it to your house and of-course you called it before it happened but I still have an ace or 2 up my sleeve. My thoughts to the world on this friday night Hold no grudges love with no boundaries make tons of friends of different races learn like its going out of style and don't forget about family, like a favorite song of mine by Mos Def Sunshine at the end he repeats we all need family dawgs and respect your family dawgs, and here I thought I Was done with the post but there is one or two last points i wanted to get across "Family" I distance myself from my family because I feel I no longer relate to them much, but the funny thing is when I'm around friends and not family all I do is talk about my family and there accomplishments and how cute their kids are (Ironic isn't it) I think i suffer from a case of masochism, I force myself to be hurt. (no not like cutting my wrist but the deeper longer lasting hurt) I guess if I hurt myself I wont give others the opportunity to do it first.

again Love, Live, Friends Family

why not.

I wish i was there.

highs and lows

You could call me a lier if I said I didn't dream of one day being a great writer. Then I think did the great writers of our time once say to them selfs hey I am going to be a great writer one day". Do you think Charles Dickinson ever for-saw his greatness? Did Jane Austin think she would be taught in english classes, and lets not even get into Shakespeare. So I doubt one day my literary works will be repeated and taught but does not stop me from dreaming. Self reliance is important and a key factor in our development as humans, being able to count on yourself. Knowing in your heart that at the end of your road only person you have to blame for your life is yourself (not only blame congratulate as well). Yet we go to great lengths to impress others why? I think about some decisions I have made in my life and why I made them. Why I took the chances I took. I have found the best place to do some thinking is the shower (my shower actually). The reason my shower is so thought worthy is because the water comes straight down not from an angle so its like all your problems are being washed away from above, divine actually. Now back to the chance thing. I never fell in love I jumped sorta like suicide now looking back, But would I jump again (in a heartbeat). We want others to accept us and we take a chance by putting ourselves out there why because we know the peril we know the crushing feeling of rejection we actually thrive in that moment when we take the chance as if the outcome did not matter only the fact that we took a chance, because yeah its great to be loved, accepted, wanted and needed but its also important to take the chance. What if we never got turned down and we never got rejected how sweet would that acceptance be I say? I avoid confrontation at all cost only to ultimately find out that confrontation always has a way of finding me. its like that sunday when your home and your looking for the batteries for the remote and you cant find them so you go out and buy new batteries and then monday you are going about your business looking for your keys and while rummaging you come across the batteries and don't even notice them. How weird it is that we all have shared that moment from china to brazil. So in conclusion ( I took it way back to the 6th grade with that one) I aspire to be a great writer because I can fail.