Lupe Fiasco - The Show Goes On

sometimes you gotta make sure the sure goes on.

Misguided Youth.

I'm Sorry

I Have had a whole host of things taking up my time and nothing at all. I have missed you, You have never been far from my thoughts the words the ideas those insightful moments where it all makes sense. I wish they could stay and build a life with me, but all to often they run they leave me. Story of my life. a few things I wanted to talk about that I garner are of some importance. 1, Wikileaks Just found out about it Albeit a little complex to maneuver around the website once deciphered it is unbelievable. Everyone wants to know a secret and thats just what wikileaks does provides secrets things other people don't want us (the people) to know. 2. thanksgiving I don't think I will be forgetting this thanksgiving anytime soon. It was amazing we all sat around the table exchanging jokes enjoying each others company, Eating. My god the food. Mountains of it We had about 15 people and two turkeys mmmmmm. It's december 2nd and I can still smell the food. Thats what a memory is. Lets go out and create some to get us through the tough times and make us appreciate the good ones.

I have been out of it lately sorry to my followers and loved ones who participate in my life and hopefully I participate in your life. Looking forward to my bi-monthly ritual of going to The sisters house and watching my Rugrats. Also the people I meet on saturday who to them Im a exotic foreign car, Im from New York, where I go to school where its always the fast life and the glits and the glamour, If only they knew I want what they have to live in suburbia and not be apart of it. I guess the grass is always greener

Trust me I understand. I know what its like I felt it. You don't think so take a walk in my shoes. Feelings inside so deep you could burst a blood vessel before you hit the bottom. Words streaming through the soul belonging on print, screen or parchment. We are a generation of thinkers of bloggers of the people who want to be different but we are all looking for something.

Who has found it? not I, I search everyday under rock, chair, kitchen table, on closet floors under beds. I look and I look and I look, but to no avail. I am writing a book I just started it. The first chapter is called loss because thats the one thing all humans have in common the ability to lose. I strive to be different Just so I can fit in "lol" irionic isnt it. Thats the perfect definition for humanity irony. It's what we represented for so long for all time you can say. thoughts so advance you need a crystal ball to get it. I always wanted to be a rapper never had the talent Ill settle for a writer. portraying the same thoughts I would have in my raps if only I could rhyme I would be rich. I'll settle for my thoughts just being portrayed. 4 loko is the muse. contemplation is the enemy. love is the constant.

dry cry even tear.

I'm a mess right now. Its like you have high's and low's. At one point your soaring and you may never come down. Then just like that your below low and everything sucks and it hurts again.

I need a preeminent distraction not momentary reprieves. Im crying out for help right now anything anybody please help I could use it. its just one of those nights.

Light a cigarette after this one.

Ladies and Gents, strap in (no pun intended). Put your seat belts on put your tray table in the upright position and get ready for take off. SEX! Pure unbridled hedonistic, Animalistic, Hair pulling, biting, scratching, yelling, moaning, slow down, SPEEED UP! orgasm at the same time SEX. you both know its gonna happen you seen into the future and no longer want to live in the past. you can feel the goosebumps appear on the sides of your arms you can feel the blood rush to your heart and other unseemly parts of the body. no distractions perfect harmony nothing needs to be said but names and yells of passion. for a brief moment you rule the universe, you own the skies and the seas. Everything bows down before you. In that moment when time stands still that person makes you feel like a god or a goddess nay you make yourself feel like a god. When everything just seems to fall into place no awkward silences or moments, not even looking away. Staring into that persons soul and the gateway being her/his eyes you are naked not only baring your body but your soul your insecurities your fantasies your fallacies your triumphs. Not only sharing your body but your soul. I strive for this. I need this. I for a brief moment I am part of creation. I am creating. Every second feels like an eternity, every kiss is perfection, every action accepted. Every muscle moving in unison. I too hope one day you can share in the bliss the moment when you realize life is grand.

your lucky day.

Two post's in a single day. I came across this and I had to share.

The camera has created a culture of celebrity; the computer is creating a culture of connectivity. As the two technologies converge —broadband tipping the Web from text to image; social-networking sites spreading the mesh of interconnection ever wider—the two cultures betray a common impulse. Celebrity and connectivity are both ways of becoming known. This is what the contemporary self wants. It wants to be recognized, wants to be connected: It wants to be visible. If not to the millions, on Survivor or Oprah, then to the hundreds, on Twitter or Facebook. This is the quality that validates us, this is how we become real to ourselves—by being seen by others. The great contemporary terror is anonymity. If Lionel Trilling was right, if the property that grounded the self in Romanticism was sincerity, and in modernism was authenticity, then in postmodernism it is visibility.

I couldn't have said it better myself. I cant help but fall prey to the need to be visible. At least Im ware of it the masses dont even know they are doing it Lupe Fiasco one of my more liked music on itunes came up with a book club I will try my best to read the books on his list an any book that I come across that just looks interesting, BoW (book of the Week) well the picture is worth a thousand words. WAKE UP!

This one is for you. Yeah YOU!

I'm heading Out. I'm stepping out, in the name of love I'm Stepping out.

Ladies and Gents Its your Master of Ceremonies Andre Richard Desir BKA (better known as ) Bean. Here to drop some knowledge and learn you something as my old schoolers would say.

Treat others as you would like to be treated bible 101. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you bible 102. May you always do for others and let others do for you - Bob Dylan. I am learning to be a better person. A lesson that I don't learn easy through my turmoils and trials you get some much needed insight. Hopefully your not like the small child that touches the fire after he's told not to. Hopefully you heed my warning. Take what you currently have and love and cherish it. Whatever it may be, a person, a dog, a cat, a family member. Take a second out of your busy day and love it acknowledge it. Taking a long train ride later today, I get to see the country side. America sweet land of liberty how I love you so. I think how lucky I am some time sto be born on this hemisphere and not somewhere else. I always thank other people for who I am today but never america and I think I would like to do that. Thank you America for making the man I am today and continuing to shape me into the man I will be Tomorrow.

I wanna be.

Every 18th I Pore a little liquor out. Gone but not forgotten RIP!

Andre´ Richard Desir Was there I invented it, I give you what you have today. I molded and shaped with my bare hands and brain waves. I sculpted and sanded and etched our perfection I gave you what we all want. I allowed you to be, no judgements no additives or preservatives no useless shit. Just honest to god realness that anything real would admire and appreciate. I taught and learned, we both grew and matured. LIfe set us on separate paths to the same destination.

Racism's Still alive they just be concealing it

I just wanted to say thank you. You're words don't hurt, they don't make me feel bad, they don't make me want to give up They make me want to try harder, to accomplish more. Saw this add for Louis Vuitton and it was about journey, and it got me thinking. Im not sure how a ad about overpriced clothes and bags could hit the nail so squarely on the head but it did. The commercial asked an important question does the man make the journey or does the journey make the man? What is your take on it my answers still out I'll let the jury decide.

October Has been slow not much going on its starting to get colder which is a good sign. Global warming has not hit us too hard just a couple of major world tsunami's and records floods nothing to worry about. On a positive note I am going to the Lupe Fiasco's #FiascoFriday. What is FiascoFriday you ask, You've come to the right place. Its a protest that the fans (thats us) are going to hold on october 15th where we will exercise our first amendment right to peaceably assemble! Looking forward to this on so many levels. A few friends want me to come up with some ideas about what we should do for halloween I'm going to cheat and google what other people have done. I met a girl, she met a boy. Gender roles in society do bare down on us. How are we supposed to act, when are we supposed to kiss, how long to wait till we have sex. the pressures of dating are here again.

Hes a Government man with a pretty big plan.

I rarely post videos but this one spoke to me, Give Me What I Wanted.

Guess What.

You like me, You really Like me. Sometimes I find myself in crazy situations but I always knew I'd end up here. I'm At a stage in my life where its unpredicitable. I dont know what tommorow will bring but I know I will face it with the same stiotic attitude I face everthing. Just happy to be alive and feeling it. Happy to have lived through it I got a wierd message today an email from the post master and hes telling me there is a glitch in the system.

What the fuck Is up Gucci Mane the G.

That Shit gets me every time. I hate to get ignant but fuck bitches get money. Humans by design are not supposed to be by themselves so you have have to suffer the company of another (esp since sex with someone else is so much better.) but don't think them capable of nothing, put nothing beneath them. I hate to have no faith in the human race but everyone I have ever met in my entire life one way or another has fucked me, (some in a good way). I'd like to think im not innocent either I Have done my fair share of fucking too. People are attracted to me like a fly is too a light. they like to hover and I know I have a commanding presence Im a loud person I speak loud I think fast I talk hard. People think I don't but I reflect a lot. When reading (something I do a lot of) I often stop and just think about how I carried myself and might I be able to do it better.

On another note Im out to China-town catch me at 90 Bowery hanging with the asians only black kid in their circle Im like a chameleon I can fit In anywhere, from surfing and throwing Keggers with my white boy's in Florida to a rap battle in the hood with my triple O.G.'s to Karaoke in Chinatown with the asians singing Avril Lavigne drinking saki. Swagg surfing at an ATL mansion party. Intensely debating why Obama is the best hope we have in 2012 and the republicans don't have a viable candidate thats not 90 years old are an airhead on campus. Protesting the release of Lupe's Fiasco's album on october 15th In front of Atlantic Records. The thing is everyone wants me there I liven shit up. Trust me I'm not one to toot my own horn but I am the life of any party I attend. Like a faviorte line of mine I wanna Be forever young even with limited means no car, time restrictions due to having to go to school I like to think I own NYC and she loves me overall Like paint clothes.

One your like a Dream come true.

It's my birthday And I can Cry if I want to. Hello lady's and gentleman its that time of the year again that one day where you remember the day you where born, you get to be nostalgic and remeber all the other "birthday's you celebrated" what do I have to think about some good ones some bad ones. some fun ones some miserable ones. 22 I like this double age Im closer to 30 tho so I have 8 years to accomplish something. I don't pray and ask for personal things I just feel like god isnt interested in the small things I want but I will change that today maybe it being my birthday will be some sort of beacon so maybe my prayer will at least be heard.

What are my plans on this special day I will leave it to fate to decide I have a few things I want to do few things Im capable of doing and even fewer things that want to do me :).

Even if I just sat in my backyard and enjoyed the cool breeze on my face with a ice cold class of something and a interesting book this day will be a win. the simple things in life that we enjoy are taken for granted so to the flash and the cash I say all that glitter isn't gold and if the Alchemist has taught me anything is that we usually search for whats right in-front of us so Ive decided to not search and just look forward.

Vote for pedro.

I don't do drugs. Not because I don't want to or I think they are bad for you Im just scared. I know myself I know what I am capable of and I need to be constantly in control or else I might do something stupid. At the same time I'm my own worst enemy and hypocrite cause alcohol is a drug its mind altering and its dangerous but I dip in vast quantities of the barrels of moonshine.

but no marijuana and definitely not Cocaine I'm afraid I will like it to much indulge to much not to be able to control the habit and the habit will control me. Other people are stronger then me in that aspect I guess and other people are also weaker then me but I just remove the temptation or the hazard all together.

I finished the merchant of Venice was a wonderfully written piece with tons of helpful hints from the mystery reader that had the book before you in this serendipitous world that we live in I hope maybe one day you come across my blog and read my words as I have read yours. In NY the elections for the Incumbents was held today and I didn't vote shame on me I feel like its my civic duty to make my voice be heard. Yes its just one votes but if you think about the great lengths in which the people trying to get elected go to, to get your vote and the small minute portion of the population that actually show up to vote it doesn't seem fair. Im making it a small pledge to myself to get out and vote for the elections in november so my voice no matter how miniscule can be heard. Its not the same fashion but I would like to think I make my voice heard here on this site. special thanks to the person who made this all possible: ME

Where are all the cups.

Life is crazy end of story It's a random series of events and if your lucky shit goes your way but for now.

Party Party Party, Rockstar Lifestyle Might don't make it. "She A good Girl I got her Transforming, She Give me Hot head Call it global Warming".

The Merchant Of Queens.

This semester I have a few breaks. Today during one of these alloted useless time zones I found myself wandering the library at school. During my aimless wandering I came across a Shakespeare Classic, The Merchant of Venice. I continued to pick up the book and noticed its not just any Shakespearean masterpiece but thee Shakespearean masterpiece as if god himself wanted me to read this. The book in a very serendipitous manner has been written all over with clues and hints to the hidden meaning that William blessed us with. It has taken me a while to go through the book literally 30 minutes for like 10 pages I meticulously go through page, paragraph, line, word with care and using all my mental prowess to devour and comprehend, and I still fell short. William Shakespeare was a master writer his literary prowess is unmatched. I found myself just within the first 10 pages enticed amazed and enamored all at the same time. Not wanting to Remove my eyes from the parchment,but of course all's well that ends well, and time for class came up (of course I found the book during my second break and not first one when I would have had twice as long to enjoy.). English class none the less guess I was prepping my mind for the hoops my english professor made me jump. My school I.D. strip or code or something messed up so I couldn't rent the book I can only hope that tomorrow its still in the same hiding spot I left it. On a more negative note Im feeling melancholy, pensive I hate to say depressed because then I would convince myself to take a zoloft or perkaset. just a general aura of sadness about me and it seems to resonate with me I cant get rid of it no matter how I confuse myself to beliving something good is happening in my life. I needed that book with me on the train today. I just sat there for an hour each way could have been devoted to deciphering Shakespeare's mind or Sudoku.

missed opportunities

Hello my faithful followers, I decided to stop advertising about my blog. I like my writing I don't do it for anyone else, so I can care less if other people read it. Its like a hidden gem something one day when someone smart hopefully is surfing the web they come across and are like wow this made my day, Currently listening to Pandora Red Hot Chili Peppers Radio (it makes life easier). School is starting up for me and Im kind of somber about it I really want to do well and I know the only way thats gonna happen is if I apply myself 10000%, Im looking forward to the challenge. I've learned to live without you it wasn't easy but you removed the stimuli and Im still able to function even at somewhat of a high level you will be missed though nothing like our summer conversations (and if you are reading this your conditioning worked) . I have been "fronting" on friends recently not on purpose just laziness and bad timing decisions, and I missed a few epic events. to those who felt the absence of my presence you have my sincere apologies. As well as a promise that I will attempt to make better decisions.

Yes please!

I had a momentary lapse in judgement, but now im back in full control.

Try spreading some love today hug someone kiss them tell them you love them and that they make days better. I try to look at the glass half full because seeing it half empty just makes me thirsty. "The more I see the less I know the more I like to let it go heeeyyy ohh." - snow chad smith, Red Hot Chili Peppers.

spare some change.

I Have made some poor life decisions. I miss you. I miss everything about you. I miss that person that I used to be. We learn and we grow and we change. We compromise, on everything for the sake of some better good some divine providence. We rarely take a stand, you want italian she want's chinese. You want to pursue a career in music your parents don't think it's a notable career path. You want to move to Africa and help starving children your scared of aids. We think its small things and we make a little change and a little change and a little change and then one day we wake up brush our teeth look in the mirror and we don't know who we are anymore.

Im learning and Im growing but a large part of me wants to hold on to my innocence wants me to be that kid that didn't know anything about the cruel world and looked forward to going to the park from sun up to sun down. When having 5 bucks in my pocket felt like I had the world on a string. when you looked at your phone and its ringing and its that person that makes everything better and you was gonna give it 5 more minutes before you called them but by some work of god they called you first. I want to go back to simpler days when we said what we meant and we where insecure with due cause. before we had heartbreaks when we didnt have to watch what we ate, and never had to work out cause thats all we did was run and jump and roll and dream about how much easier life is gonna be when we were older. I cant take back how I've hurt you but I can make the pain seem inconsequential to the happiness and joy and learning and growing I can bring into your life.

I Generally don't Add P.S. but after I wrote this Pandora decided to bless me with the Goo Goo Dolls and I had to share. " When you asked me what I want this year I tried to make this kind and clear Just a chance that maybe we'd find better days" - Better Days.

The Many faces of Bean.

love.

Right hand to God.

I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help me god.

It's 5:30 in the morning I haven't had a wink of sleep and I felt it. It would seem that I do my best writing at this time this "twilight" hour if you will. something about the day being reborn the sun shining its brights rays on our side of the hemisphere some elusion of second chances that we get 1 more day to set things right, to set the record straight, Some allure to grandeur that gets my literary juices flowing. the "it" in question would be that numbing pain that lets me still know I can feel something That glimpse I had of what could have been and how I fucked it up. I have learned a few things from greater men then myself Alfred Lord Tennyson said "Tis better to have love and lost then never love at all" Deep down in my center, my core I hold that to be true but on the outside I deny it with every fiber of reason. Its an endless debate on one side of the scale you have the argument that we would not appreciate the day without the night we would not understand what it means to be happy if we never felt pain. On the other side of the scale we have the debate that its all useless. All the sleepless nights spent frustrated and angry all the wasted emotions all the pain and grief and suffering all the remorse would be insurmountable to the emptiness we would feel our entire life's if we never knew love. I say Nay, I tip the scale in the favor of never loving. I am a smoker I don't actually smoke cigarettes anymore but I know for the rest of my life that craving will be there that need In my viens to inhale the smoke. I rue the day that I picked up a cigarette because I know what it is like to live without it.

Just like I rue the day I fell nay Leaped in love because now I know what it is like to live without it. Just on the surface though.

Back to the morning, the renewal if you will. Im a restless creature not so much that I don't sleep but Im wanting to get out to escape. I take a look at my wants and habits and it would seem I want most what I cant have. I seriously have to take a look at my past and see where this originated when did I decide it would be better to per-sue what is out of my reach what has no interest in me instead of settling. It would seem that to be an endless cycle and no one ending up with anything. If we all chase what doesn't want us we end up with nothing. A few times I Have sat on my porch in NYC and watched the sunrise and just enjoyed it. The people walking by must have thought something was up (N.Y. isnt a very trusting city with due cause though) Its been a few days since I posted something to busy fighting my demons I was finally allowed a moments reprieve and decided it was time to air my dirty laundry let the neighbors see whos living next to them allow you another small glimpse into the intricacies that is ANDRE.

WTFBBQ?

Lady's and Gent's that time is upon us. All the planets are in alignment the universe is conspiring in my favor, the time of reckoning is here. I feel the words coursing through my veins from the very tips of my toes traveling the length of my torso and though my arms to the finger tips that touch the keyboard. They are bursting Crying for sweet release. They want to be heard, read, said If their name was William Wallace they would WANT FREEDOM. Where to begin, so what I really want to discuss with no additive or preservatives is "Good" for all intensive purposes we will describe "Good" as societies accepted definition. Kissing babies and helping old ladies cross the street and all the "Good" stuff. We Never talk about the "Good" in our life unless its to brag.

I think that is wrong, we should start talking about the "Good" more often and not in a bragging fashion. Lady's and Gentlemen of the jury I give you exhibit A- The Media, 85% of what we see on CNN, MSNBC, BBC, ALJEEZERA, (notice I left out Fox News chances are if you watch Fox News for content and not comical relief your already in a world of trouble) is "bad" fires,deaths,murder,assassinations,oil spills, Celebrity trials, Rapes, Violence. The worst humanity has to offer is on constant display portrayed for its wow factor and cheap ratings. About 5 minutes before the show is over you will see a firefighter pull a cat from a tree or some nominal act so they have a scapegoat when the realist point out the bullshit that is modern day media.

What I will try to do In my day to day life is focus more on the good I do then the bad thats around me. Focus on the babies I kiss, the old ladies I help cross the street and the cats I pull out of trees. I Came across an interesting quote while writing this 20 hour blog (started at about 9 P.M. and gonna post it around 6 in the morning) The original quote I was thinking of and researching originally said it was "When you try, You plan to fail" , It didn't sound quite right to me and I had to find something better to share so I continued researching and came across "Try and Fail, but don't Fail to try" and that made a world of sense. Its this Macho Alpha Type-A personality thats wrong with the world of course you want to succeed but a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step (if that reference makes any sense to the current situation) You need to try and fail and try and fail and try and get it right.

Excuse my frantic rantings but I needed my "Fix" and it was no were to be found. Currently Stranded In Florida and like Iraq I see no exit strategy in the near Future.

Pen to Computer Screen.

I Just need to write. I started this blog because I wanted you the to know how I felt a small part of me wanted you to feel sorry wanted you to know my anguish and my human condition . Now its grown, taken on a mind of its own I guess like we all do. We start out with ulterior motives and end up with good ones but are chastised for our original intentions. So yea I started with malice and hate in my heart but now I have love and good will. I wanna write to express emotions to make sense of a senseless world. For you to read a situation I went through and have ammo in your arsenal for when you go through it. I wanna write to make you smile for you to take heart in my usage of the english language. I want to write so you can understand my perspective see the world through my eyes for a fleeting moment. I want to write so a year from now when I look back at a post I say "oh yeah, Wow I was a douche-bag did I really believe that crap?" to see how I have grown and matured as a person since the change is so gradual you do not notice it, I will have a marker. I want to write to inspire others to find a calling and follow it like twitter. I want to write to be that shining light in someone's dark day even its only because they say man I thought I had it bad but that dude bean is Fucked. I wanna write because you need to read even if its just 1 person or if its multitudes. There are days I take showers and I strategize while in the shower about what my next post is gonna be about and did I write about that subject already or kinda maybe touched base on it in another post? I wanna write because it has become my passion the driving force in a fleet of hobbies. Sometimes I enjoy the feedback and the introspection and retrospection but sometimes I just want an acknowledgment that you read, it that you lived through it and care less what you have to say. I write because....

I lost One.

Honestly at 23, I would probally love my work more then I did she,

The time is now for her, in time she'll mature and maybe we can be we like we were.

Laundry Basket.

It has been at least a week meaning its safe to post again. Like I said before I don't like posting to often I feel like it makes them invalid. We need a little mystery in our lives a little excitement I hate to quote the scriptures but its a book like any other "Patience is a virtue" and I'm well worth the wait. Currently in florida and feeling kinda down not any one thing but just a general feeling. Dirty laundry we all have it every day we acquire more, sometimes we loose some and it never gets cleaned. We even go as far as to let other people clean our dirty laundry, Trusted individuals though like a mom or a grandmother or a sister/brother. Some of us never want another human soul to see our laundry so we stuff it in closest or push them under beds and smile like the laundry is in the draws where they belong. Some of us could care less we bear it like a badge of honor letting everyone see the mud-stains and the blood and the life that we acquired that we lived through (myself being one of these individuals). Some of us go to great lengths to clean the laundry or generally get rid of it, Hand washing Laundromat dry cleaners I dare say back yard bonfire. The point is how we deal with it tells us a great deal about that individual. So stop and ask how do you deal with it?

I wanted to post something for a few days but nothing quite spoke to me I guess I needed my entourage fix to put life back into perspective (the show was postponed due to July 4th). Had a recent family event where Like always I played the bigger man. Thats the story of my life always taking the high road. Being the bigger individual for the sake of someone else's ego. I pointed something out to my grandmother the other day because we are kindred spirits, I said Grandma at what point do we stop shutting up and apologizing when do we take a stand and what she said was real but disheartening: "Never, Because once you start letting stuff get to you, your blood pressure rises all types of bad things start happening and you die". Granted it makes a whole heap of sense, but it sucks to know I will always be stepped on my entire life because I have a passive personality. To make matters even worse while typing stepped on I said to myself I don't care if people step on me its just ego and I'm secure with who I am (or at Least what I figured out so far no pork, plenty of white wine, deep love of women, and Bill Mahr) Ehhh (thanks K for the great conversational starters) I say don't let the little things bother you, or the big things for that matter lets all just try to stay alive. So I say to my Trekkies and everyone else "live long and Prosper".

My country, 'tis of thee, Sweet Land of Liberty.

July 4th, and I'm In C.T. visiting the sister unit and her family. I like to think of myself as a patriot a pridefull american, also a man of honor. While watching the fireworks I had a moment albee a bit corny, I placed my hand over my heart and recited the words to our countrys "anthem" And the rockets red glare and bombs bursting in air gave proof through the night that our flag was stilllll there. I tingled in my toes and fingertips was in the pre-cry mode where your throat swells up and your eyes water but no actual tears come out. Why? because I stood and reflected and I thought about what my fellow country men years, and years, and years ago had to endure for me to enjoy this moment in a free country. I want to think I really understood the depth of their sacrifice and ask myself if I would have been courages enough to follow suit. Would I have Left my farm and family to fight for equality and my peace of the pie, I hate to get racial but Im black its a fact of life. At that time period would I have been able to fight side by side with my fellow citizens I honestly do not know. I take no offense to the notion that I might have not been able to because I know it would have not been done out of malice but of ignorance. As I get older I start to appreciate the Finer things in life and freedom is top of the list (that and white wine) So I say thank you to the men who stood before me So I can stand now. Hopefully one day I will make an inpact and some guy 234 years from now will write about me and thank me for allowing him to do what I hopefully graciously did today.

The Plot Thickens

I promised Her I would write something, Last night was Amazing I wish you were there. you would have met so many different people, Enjoyed amazing conversation's, I dare say even Learn. Currently listening to Drake something about light skin black men hits the spot, no homo (I wonder If its because I am one). I met the : Im Single, Its complicated, In a relationship, I dont smoke, Just socially, me I'm always high, Im to cool for school, Merit scholars, C students, The Tree huggers, The Carnivors, The Vegans, The Thats so last week, The people who never left the 80's, The "Republicans", The Fox is the worst thing for news since watergate, the Gays, The straights, The im not sure if I am a man or woman, the lawyers, the doctors, the garabage men, the tatoo artist. the single mom, the dead beat dad, the couple we all know will make it till there old and grey and the guy who is just like me, In short I Met the new yorker. Im happy that I Inspire other people to write and not like im happy my belly is full or im happy I just had an orgasm, But Im happy that im changing someones life. your in south carolina im on my way to florida I live in new york you live in jersey. Every Time I turn my computer on im excited crossing my fingers that your on. I know im not supposed to but Im falling in "like". your witt betrays you some times but I dont point it out. My grammar and spelling is atrocious but yet you always know what I mean, They say great minds think alike and you are starting to make me believe in general statements. I like long train rides with nothing but me and a book. I hate talking but im so good at it. I had an amazing night and I hope you did too.

World of .

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

sometimes I just have to laugh.

Mr. Potato Head.

Back, Still in Miami though . Defiantly a Duality that you have to love about Miami. Its Beautiful and the weather is amazing and It is perpetually hot. While being so hot no one goes out side and enjoys the beauty we all have to remain in "Ac'd" quarters just avoid heat stroke. So its a win and a loss just like most things in life. Lets get straight to the "meat and potatoes" (the main dish) mixed emotions will be the death of us all. With that said we can move on to the desert the part we all came for anyway, the 10 seconds of bliss after the grueling task. I have come to the conclusion that if life is a learning lesson then we are all Mr Potato heads. Now lets understand why.

As we are independent and go out into the world and make somewhat of our own decisions we meet people and from these people we learn and grow as individuals and they learn and grow from us. We have our life experience that teach us or "prepare" us for other life lessons that we will learn (crazy cycle don't you think). O.K. When we were small well me at least I was fortunate enough to own a Mr Potato Head doll and my sisters each had one as well. The toy if you never had one comes with mix and match parts so you can get creative and make him your own. That is Exactly what everyone is we are all Mr potato heads, In essence we are mixes and matches of our own experiences mixed in with what we have learned from other people. from our teachers our parents, failed relationships, In my case random strangers I meet every day. And we take a part of them with us A "leg" (which is something we learned from them) and we give them a little bit of us to take with them some knowledge or insight we teach them that we learned from our travels or got from someone else.

In the end we come out all discombobulated but we are truly one of a kind and our own.

Murs-Break up (The OJ song)

Wow Mur's- Right when I think I'm out, you pull me right back in.

Lost in translation.

Crazy week i'm on vacation all up and down the east cost new york, georgia, chicago, Florida All I'm doing is winning, When I hit the city back I will get back to a normal post rotation post some pics as well. Life is moving really fast right now and I'm just trying to keep pace up. Look out for me in your town I'll be like where's waldo if its a crazy event and its on the east cost I just might be there. Its easy to forget when you have lot's to look forward to. Got my F.L gun permit today LoL don't come to my crib its legal to shoot people down here.

True story.

I am hip hop.

closed doors

Another night, and it's gonna be a hard one. Morality Right and Wrong, Perception dictates mortality. Its 12:46 and I cant sleep trying to write my soul and it's not easy especially when I'm seriously trying to improve my grammar for the politically correct. How does one bear his soul to the world but only wants one person to see it. The same way we do everything else try, if it fails try again. I wanna be there, I wanna do it, I want time to slow down. I never wanted it to end up this way. Why do we all want alternative futures but don't plot the route? I Have met a lot of people in my lifetime, I haven't always been the most popular or the smartest but there was always something about me. That special something made it easy for me to blend in to fit into circles to adjust to my environment. Somewhere along my adjusting stages I never really found myself, Instead I have a mixture of the many different "selfs" that I became to fit. So at 22 I'm trying to discover who I am and what's right and wrong to me, and its hard. I know I hit on a lot of points in this post but my mind is all over the place. so I light another cig and wish my problems away. Every cloud has its silver lining I came across a terrific song tonight, Blu Ft John Lenon- Hold on John. (but all i here is hold on Dre)

just kickin it

Ladys and Gents I present The next Cop.While keeping up to date in my sneaker community I came across something that imma put on my whislist's now two things I love sneakers and beer you cant go wrong! I present the Nike sb dunk low miller high life. Whats not to like.

Lupe Fiasco - I'm Beamin

Alright, so I have always been an avid Lupe Fiasco supporter due to his different type of music and for the most part I get most of his music but I have to say this song is throwing me off. As a foreshadowing of what is to come in his album Im forced to think that we are in trouble. I have given it a couple of listens and it does not speak to me. I dare say Lupe is doing to much with this? I mean he is an artist and this is his art form and previously I have had no qualms but I mean its a lot to get while listening to every track you have to keep in mind the motto of his Album "Love Always Shines Everytime Remember 2 Smile" so while listening to every song we also have to keep that in mind while keeping the literal definition of a laser and I guess beaming like a star It is a lot to take in just to enjoy a song. Lupe is letting his ego get the best of him after not being on the list of top 10 2009 rappers he and I quote said that his song "Fire" on his up comming album will change that for 2010. Really Lupe Since when do you care what do people think? Im losing faith in someone I enjoyed for the music but I leave you with beaming listen and give me your opinion.

Birdman - Money To Blow ft. Lil Wayne, Drake

New Boyz Ft. Ray J "Tie Me Down" OFFICIAL Music Video [HQ] Skee.TV

time to go to work

Ahh how I have missed you the words that give my life meaning. I recently went on vacation to Florida to visit family. What can be expected from any large family gathering CHAOS. Pure ungarnished in your face balls to the wall chaos. every one has their own opinion's own versions of how history went down, own grudges and personal dilemmas but yet we are all compelled by blood or maybe conscience to get together and just be. between the ages of 16- and 21 I didn't really get family or why is it necessary to get together and celebrate some arbitrary event baby-shower engagement, new job, going away party, I dare say even funeral.

now the great age of 22 is upon me and it has dawned some new perspective, some new knowledge from somewhere deep in our cerebral cortex. Family is important, not to say i didn't know family was important before but I didn't really understand what it meant. Now I think I have some small inkling. Family makes you want to be a better you, makes you want to live in a better world. Blood is not the only thing that determines family status ( not to me anyway) if you know me even a little you know I trust without reservations all my close friends ( most everyone in my previous shout-outs post) are considered family to me. at this recent family event I took a step back from my usual narcissism and pessimism and looked at what was really going on. Everyone was laughing and having a good time even with all the negativity that they once held for each other even with all the tears and angry words once professed in the worst of times. I was a little sceptic at first to go to this gathering thinking it would be the same old fake, oh how are you, how have you been, what else can i say to make this conversation any less painful for the two of us, moments.

Something happened though during my moment of reflectiveness I realized it was my perspective that clouded my vision at previous gatherings. Didn't let me see what was really going on people happy to just be near each other to share a fleeting moment with a loved one someone they in essence knew their whole lives, yeah they may have different interest and not agree with everyones life choices but some universal truth anchors us together and since we at a small age came to accept that fact. indulge no thrive in each others company in each others win's as well as each others losses. So needless to say it was a positive experience for me both because I got to reconnect with my long lost brother/friend Blaine but I came away with a deeper understanding of why we do it all.

Word to the wise, As we move along this treacherous terrain known as life, friends come and go family sticks with you through the tough times through the easy times.

just reheard a quote I always liked and thought I would share TO err is human to forgive is divine

I got time when she got freedom

i gaveit a try

Grease Lightning

Summer LOVING, Yeah its summer time and Im going in, no hold bars NYC Im going hard show me all you have to offer. Due to extenuating circumstances my past couple summers were not all they could have been,not this time. Im pulling out all the stops Im cooming hard NYC lookout You are my city and there is nothing like NYC in the summer no better place in all the world for a new yorker nothing like it the lights, the action, the movements, the 3 am trips to 42nd cause its the easiest mcdonalds to reach. the 6 am trips to the beach to get there before the crowd. the 11pm club lines just to pay 15 bucks for a drink the HOTEL PARTIES, the drugs (for those who partake not my cup of tea) the WOMEN! ahh NYC treats me well in the summer time. I dont want to remember last night I wanna stroll homies in shopping carts (shout outs to panda and nick) I wanna break up fights, and Enjoy boogie breaks, I wanna be a part of it NEW YORK!

A ride through the Desert.

off to see a man about a horse.

Stepping Stones!.

when heading to see a friend I specifically took a notepad with me to write down my thoughts on the train so I can post them on the blog later. Of course its the most epic post ever written in the history of bloggodom and ofcourse I leave it at her house! and she cant find it. Should I have expected any less? I remember Tidbits and stibdit of what I wrote but I wont even put it to shame by attempting to recreate it. How is life going you ask? Great making progress on alot of scenes doing me and getting myself to the next level what more can you ask? I have come up with this terrific idea of a photo journal that I would like to per sue I will be keeping it a secret for the time being to many bitters out in the world. I would like to find someone to accompany me while I take all these pictures any takers? Nikon d40 has inspired this current photo journal well him and god, I have taken a interest in the catholic church. Why you ask? because my sister is about to have her baptism and I dare say me taking her to church every Sunday for at least 5 months had something to do with it. I was never a person to believe/ follow organize religion but you cant knock it till you tried it right so for the time being i will consider my self a catholic who knows what dreams may come so take it with a grain of salt.

I remembered the name of the post at least it was called stepping stones with some allocation to the fact that we all meet people in our life who help us become great sorta like our own personal "Bagger Vance" god knows I have had a few teachers and more students but isnt that what life is about impacting others and hopefully for the better? Look out for the photo journal coming soon to a blog near you :), I have come to the conclusion that time is on my side she (yeah ill give it motherly Attributes) she cares for me, she teaches me, she heals me, she listens, she never stops caring.

shout outs!

Ernesta, Carole, Ernesta, Wesley, daniel, bah, dopematic, monk, moffatt, freezie, joel, blaine, justin, mike, mike, mack, mo, aldee, qua, g00se, phil, alex, chris, panda, nick, annie, annerz, jess the best, joha, drizzit, harry, lizzette, paul, Franke,Rich, Billz, Celos, Rasheda Amanda!

couldn't be who I was without you!

( if i forgot you just hit me up they have edit buttons :) )

Perspective

I'm in a better place didn't take long but some good friends and good advice works miracles. Someone told me all you can do in life is work on yourself, women come and go and for my female companions men come and go. You need to use all of your resources to get to the next level and this sounds such bullshit but its not its real talk if something is meant to be it will be. The reason thats true is because if you decide to persue it then it's meant to be and if you choose not to then it's not. I reconnected with an old friend yesterday and it worked out for the better and im actually happy i felt all that pain because thats what strength is think about people who work out how do they get stronger by trauma destroying muscle tissue and rebuilding stronger so i was wrong i will be stronger and that pain will help me grow word to the young and naive its never that serious

damn

Words cant even express the pain but I'm going to give it a shot anyway. Imagine you had a puppy and you loved that puppy and without cause or due justification someone tied you up and ripped out that puppies nails and then proceeded to skin the puppy alive in front of you. Now take that pain the puppy and you are feeling multiply that by 10000 and maybe just maybe you can understand a percentage, granted a small percentage of what i am feeling right this very second. its like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and while still connected to my nervous system pins where stuck slowly into it. I Will survive I may not be stronger but I will be Wiser.

maybe im that mind.

It is 5:54 and Im feening to listen to some tupac, the deep stuff changes, until the end of time. Hopefully to give me some perspective on my situation. Have you ever wanted something so bad it hurts, and you know with every being of your soul its no good for you but just maybe just maybe you can have it? well im left at a crossroad and I know which way I should go but my heart keeps pulling me in the other direction.

lets move to a less deep place, movies. Oh how we love movies currently thinking about what to watch do I wanna go romantic comedy, cop flick spoof movie, real life story, comedy, tragedy, documentary so many to choose from so little time. I always choose comedy over action and tragedy only because life is full of tragedy. I watch a movie as a momentary reprieve an escape from it all and it wouldnt make much sense to jump off one ship and into another. lets see cop flick it is "Bad Lieutenant:Port of New Orleans, hopefully i wont be dissapointed and i can get away from the crossroads atleast for 2 hours.

Can I have fries with that.

Remember when is the lowest form of conversation (thanks Anthony for that one) and I'm inclined to agree. Lets not look to the past but to the future lets not forget the events that bought us here but lets work to shape the events yet to come to get us to where we want to be. On a brighter note it's a friday night and I slept All day meaning I'm ready to get into something dangerous tonight. Sorry sis for not making it to your house and of-course you called it before it happened but I still have an ace or 2 up my sleeve. My thoughts to the world on this friday night Hold no grudges love with no boundaries make tons of friends of different races learn like its going out of style and don't forget about family, like a favorite song of mine by Mos Def Sunshine at the end he repeats we all need family dawgs and respect your family dawgs, and here I thought I Was done with the post but there is one or two last points i wanted to get across "Family" I distance myself from my family because I feel I no longer relate to them much, but the funny thing is when I'm around friends and not family all I do is talk about my family and there accomplishments and how cute their kids are (Ironic isn't it) I think i suffer from a case of masochism, I force myself to be hurt. (no not like cutting my wrist but the deeper longer lasting hurt) I guess if I hurt myself I wont give others the opportunity to do it first.

again Love, Live, Friends Family

why not.

I wish i was there.

highs and lows

You could call me a lier if I said I didn't dream of one day being a great writer. Then I think did the great writers of our time once say to them selfs hey I am going to be a great writer one day". Do you think Charles Dickinson ever for-saw his greatness? Did Jane Austin think she would be taught in english classes, and lets not even get into Shakespeare. So I doubt one day my literary works will be repeated and taught but does not stop me from dreaming. Self reliance is important and a key factor in our development as humans, being able to count on yourself. Knowing in your heart that at the end of your road only person you have to blame for your life is yourself (not only blame congratulate as well). Yet we go to great lengths to impress others why? I think about some decisions I have made in my life and why I made them. Why I took the chances I took. I have found the best place to do some thinking is the shower (my shower actually). The reason my shower is so thought worthy is because the water comes straight down not from an angle so its like all your problems are being washed away from above, divine actually. Now back to the chance thing. I never fell in love I jumped sorta like suicide now looking back, But would I jump again (in a heartbeat). We want others to accept us and we take a chance by putting ourselves out there why because we know the peril we know the crushing feeling of rejection we actually thrive in that moment when we take the chance as if the outcome did not matter only the fact that we took a chance, because yeah its great to be loved, accepted, wanted and needed but its also important to take the chance. What if we never got turned down and we never got rejected how sweet would that acceptance be I say? I avoid confrontation at all cost only to ultimately find out that confrontation always has a way of finding me. its like that sunday when your home and your looking for the batteries for the remote and you cant find them so you go out and buy new batteries and then monday you are going about your business looking for your keys and while rummaging you come across the batteries and don't even notice them. How weird it is that we all have shared that moment from china to brazil. So in conclusion ( I took it way back to the 6th grade with that one) I aspire to be a great writer because I can fail.

Just Sex.

Intimacy

according to Webster dictionary it is something of private or personal nature, I think

Intimacy with another person is what we strive for, In New York City anyway. A city filled with so many people a quite alone private moment is a rarity, sometimes I can be surrounded by friends and family and still be very,very alone not intimate but opening up and sharing is the key. So today I share something with my loyal fans all 2 of them. My thoughts on sex. Its never just sex not with me anyway. Again my history plays a major role in my opinions towards sex. Since an early age i was exposed to sex (no I was not molested or had sex at a young age, 16 actually) its just that for some strange reason boys in my culture are encouraged to watch porn and often hear of sexual acts and so on from the older guys (I'm never one to judge just the norms of the haitian society to be non shalont about it infront of boys and ask girls to leave the room and so on when sex is bought up). So I never really thought much of sex due to the fact that I was exposed so early, I never giggled in class when the teacher had to show the condom and the banana or any sexual refrence was made. Being confused about how I should feel about something never stood well with me so i did the logical thing I went out and researched and formed my own opinion and I find sex is something thats fun and enjoyable but its also SACRED maybe just maybe soon i will believe that only a husband and wife should have sex in the biblical version ( and no not just misionairy they should get real freaky) guess im old fashion like that because I never valued sex when I was younger (seeing it on t.v. and so on if anything it pushed me away not made me want to do it more) I value it now. While in my easily influenced age both my sisters had teenage pregnancies leaving me to babysit a WHOLE lot and if anything you have ever heard from anyone else about premarital sex is not a deterance babysitting when you wanna be out playing basketball makes YOU Really think about it. So I was always timid due to the facts I stated earlier, But now at 21 I think really is it worth it to go around and philander ( sometimes my loins betray my mind but easily controlled) nay I say so I think the next time I decide to have sex it will be special not just sex, something

Intimate.

Saint Valentine did me dirty.

This is a short post. Just wanted to get one done before a long weekend. No school Friday, Saturday Sunday Monday or Tuesday,  got a 5 day weekend And its one of the hardest to be alone. Valentine's Day; Society has set the bar high and I know I'm supposed to be above it but I'm just like the next man and I just want someone, unfortunately  I have no one but myself, But every cloud has its silver lining let the universe know the future Mrs Desir shall not want, Shall not feel insecure, I shall not waver in our relationship, her man will be there for her. I have learned the value of being alone, so I will cherish the act of being together.

Paradigms

Guess Who's back, back again Andre's back tell some friends?, posting from school waiting for class to start have about an hour to go. It's funny I have thought about blogging for a couple of days now and everyday i say today is the day I'm going to write something and i have all these ideas about what I want to say but I always find some reason not to say anything at all. That's the story of my life always some reason or excuse for not doing something that i want to. So I would like to discuss music Because its such an epic part of to days generations life from the followings of hair bands in the 80's- 90's to the hip hop era of 90's 00's to to days current movement. Music has defined people, who you are, what crowd you hang out with, even far enough to say your principles give or take a few. My greatest musical inspirations aren't people but songs cause i havent heard every music a person has created and god knows i dont approve of half the songs but once just once in a blue i find this epitome of the artist that i just have on replay for weeks. For example Red hot chili peppers i can name 5 songs of the top of the dome, Scar tissue, Californication, Under the bridge, Snow, by the way. those songs should be added to the library of congress as far as I'm concerned but then they have these songs that i just dont get or just dont speak to me Cant stop for instance. so what is the measure of an artist ? is it having nothing but songs that speak to you that make them great or is it variety? i leave it up to better sages then I to answer. Red hot chili peppers covers my rock fans :), Rap we have Jay Z yes Tupac and Biggie where better but since their lives where prematurely ended i only think its right that Jay Z who has hit after hit be the Representative of the hip hop era, to keep it fair I'm going to only name 5 and yes this is going to be epically hard (not in any particular order). I'm Feeling it, Song cry, blueprint, December 4Th, And Beach chair I dont think i have ever skipped any of these when they came up on my itunes ever.
And this next segment are just 5 songs that got me through some hard times in my life, Story of the year. Until the Day I die, Talib kweli ft mos def Definition, Lupe Fiasco Superstar, Dipset Im Ready, and Consequence The Good The Bad The Ugly. Give them a listen and give me your opinion And Keep t his in heart The greatest Song of all time (given a third verse is some where out there in the multi verse) Mos Def Traveling Man

Comic sans

This is the first of many post. I decided to embark on a career of blogging lets see how far I get. I have had commitment issues my whole life so lets see if this blog can be the one thing i commit to ( i blame my mother) as you come to know an love me you will learn I blame or give responsibility to a lot of things in my life to my upbringing blame has such a negative connotation. Are we not all products of our environment? ahh yes the timeless question nature vs nurture, the egg or the chicken, david or goliath? ( did david really win?) History is important it diktats our future actions and people pay hefty prices for indicators of the future when all they need to do is look to the past. SO needless to say I am a firm believer in nurture of course our genes have something to do with who we become but that more on the limitations side, for instance if shaq was not 7 feet tall chances are he would not be as great of a basketball player as he is, but if he didn't have the upbringing and the constant tutoring and practice in basketball he wouldn't be who he is. Now to not get into to much detail lets keep it simple we all are, that's a fact so since we all are we can remove nature from the equation and say since we were going to "be" anyway our nurture decides who we are ( if you have an opposition to anything i said my door is always open) now I think this is a successful first post i have a longing to make my blog more Snazzy and "bling" it out I would like to hire someone to pimp out my blog you know with the pictures and the fancy html. but I'm not I'm going to keep it simple just words thoughts and

love.