For a very long time I have hidden who I am from the public's peering gaze. I have purported to be something that I am not. I am a liar. I am not a malicious liar if that is any consolation. I lie in an effort that I believe to be genuine so that I can placate others. Because so very few of our interactions are genuine and sincere, and because of my many interactions, I find myself constantly being disingenuous and insincere. The constraints of polite society are vast and powerful. I have to be respectful of others opinions, I have to be careful to use the right gender pronouns..... do you have a partner? The world of academia has inspired me to write again, and I thank it for that. I haven't written in eleven months and what a roller-coaster have those months been. I've fallen in and out of love, I've greatly increased my life outlooks by joining this honors program in my junior year of college. These are the things that I've done, but they don't tell you about how I felt during this time. we all hurt, I am inclined to think that I hurt in more profound ways than other. although, I know this not to be based in logic I still hold it to be true. I've lost touch with the person that I was two years ago, its interesting this adventure that I am on, I am a passenger and driver at the same time. I am able to experience things and be the driver for those experiences but simultaneously extrapolate and reflect on those experiences in the passenger side. I constantly find myself writing in abstracts because I like to think that I am an Artist and I am creating a work of art when I write, and I leave that work open to interpretation. Yes, as younger man I hate contemporary art and by extension abstract art due to a reverence that younger generations pay to non-contemporary artist but I am doing the thing that I hate and being abstract. I am going to end this here, I have an almost two hour commute home and there is a solitude during that commute that I serenely appreciate.
I will dedicate a future post to divulging that lost love, and figuring it all out.
