I just asked Ten different people on facebook, both men and women to tell me a secret. All within my age range; early twenties, mothers, students, lovers, military personal, shallow lovers of the fading celebrity that we place too much import on. Yes I am biased, these are my thoughts and if you came here for impartial critics on the world: welcome to humanity. I was disappointed these people know me they know what I stand for they know who I am or what I portray and simply enough im the type of friend who ask you at 11:20 to tell them a secret, so needless to say they were not surprised. "She lies, He lies, but numbers do not". Out of the ten people I asked seven people questioned my motives, wanted to know why? Were guarded, held tightly onto secrets as if somehow the fact that no one knew them protected them from the affliction of suffering. I simply replied "never-mind" to the inquisitive minds, didn't need secrets born out of resentment. I needed to know I was not the only one suffering, harboring ill will to my place amongst the cosmos. If you are one of the people reading this now that decided to question my motives, let this be a lesson to you. Take a leap of faith sometimes, it's okay to not know whats going on and still go with it, I offered you an opportunity to share something with me to connect, no judgements no false equivocations just a friendly ear to whisper truths into.
I miss being in love. its been several years now since I have loved someone that was not compulsory (think family member) and I think I know what its like to be in love but the memory is fading. Like when you were little and you remember doing something but its hazy, certain aspects you just are not sure about. Thats the current relationship I have with being in love. I think I remember what it feels like to love someone else but im just not sure. This stage of life is teetering on. Sometimes I dip into adolescences and find myself in questionable situations. Other times I find myself lecturing someone about how to act on the first couple days of a new job. It's like life happens and you blink and your twenty five, still grasping at straws. A friend of mine after revealing to me his secret told me he figured I was doing it for school or something and told me good luck on my spiritual pilgrimage after I told him it was just for me. How right he was, I am a pilgram.
P.S. Listening to Go Ahead by Rilo Kiley. "If you want to hold your own hand going up that cliff or you want to hold back because you aren't up to it; go ahead."
