Right hand to God.

I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help me god.

It's 5:30 in the morning I haven't had a wink of sleep and I felt it. It would seem that I do my best writing at this time this "twilight" hour if you will. something about the day being reborn the sun shining its brights rays on our side of the hemisphere some elusion of second chances that we get 1 more day to set things right, to set the record straight, Some allure to grandeur that gets my literary juices flowing. the "it" in question would be that numbing pain that lets me still know I can feel something That glimpse I had of what could have been and how I fucked it up. I have learned a few things from greater men then myself Alfred Lord Tennyson said "Tis better to have love and lost then never love at all" Deep down in my center, my core I hold that to be true but on the outside I deny it with every fiber of reason. Its an endless debate on one side of the scale you have the argument that we would not appreciate the day without the night we would not understand what it means to be happy if we never felt pain. On the other side of the scale we have the debate that its all useless. All the sleepless nights spent frustrated and angry all the wasted emotions all the pain and grief and suffering all the remorse would be insurmountable to the emptiness we would feel our entire life's if we never knew love. I say Nay, I tip the scale in the favor of never loving. I am a smoker I don't actually smoke cigarettes anymore but I know for the rest of my life that craving will be there that need In my viens to inhale the smoke. I rue the day that I picked up a cigarette because I know what it is like to live without it.

Just like I rue the day I fell nay Leaped in love because now I know what it is like to live without it. Just on the surface though.

Back to the morning, the renewal if you will. Im a restless creature not so much that I don't sleep but Im wanting to get out to escape. I take a look at my wants and habits and it would seem I want most what I cant have. I seriously have to take a look at my past and see where this originated when did I decide it would be better to per-sue what is out of my reach what has no interest in me instead of settling. It would seem that to be an endless cycle and no one ending up with anything. If we all chase what doesn't want us we end up with nothing. A few times I Have sat on my porch in NYC and watched the sunrise and just enjoyed it. The people walking by must have thought something was up (N.Y. isnt a very trusting city with due cause though) Its been a few days since I posted something to busy fighting my demons I was finally allowed a moments reprieve and decided it was time to air my dirty laundry let the neighbors see whos living next to them allow you another small glimpse into the intricacies that is ANDRE.